"Neighbors" and Families
These stories are true. Names and photos were changed for privacy.
Pastor Dave and Pastor Jeff
Two Pastor’s share their experience and perspective on SITG at their church…and how this ministry is helping to equip the saints in their congregations.
Pastor Dave says, “I’m watching members of my church get excited and grow spiritually. People who are not traditionally leaders are leading. SITG has done a great job identifying the principals for change and making them accessible to everyone. It is a phenomenal means for helping broken people to heal and step out of old behaviors. Most folks don’t feel competent to help other people with life changes but with SITG our volunteers feel like God can use them. It’s a very powerful thing. There are just too many coincidences for them not to be God sightings; connections and secondary connections are occurring.”
Pastor Jeff says, “SITG is directly impacting me as I’m in one of the groups and I am seeing how prayer has amazing power. I am seeing new leaders emerging from my community; it is very moving. One of our neighbors is a single mom with 3 kids. She has become an engine of evangelism in our church. Who knew that 4 people praying would produce change in a real way? You know the things Jesus says we are to do are pretty outrageous. Love your neighbor as yourself. The SITG process is in-reach as well as out-reach. It’s great!”
Participating in SITG can be a life-changing experience and often the family members are impacted as much as the neighbor being supported and they experience God like never before in their lives.
Recidivism Crisis in the U.S. Jail System
There is a crisis in our jail system that many are unaware of and the statistics are startling: 2 million incarcerated in the United States today…700,000 released annually…66% will return to prison…70% of the children of those incarcerated will spend time in jail. WOW – what a vicious cycle!
5 years ago Stacy was depressed, homeless, jobless, without transportation (or even a drivers license), estranged from her family and afraid she was going to jail for a long time …however, with her SITG family’s love and support and some miraculous answer to prayer she was delivered from that fate.
Fast forward to 2009, and Stacy has been reunited with her family, past hurts have been resolved and she has become “the oak” in the family now, Isaiah 61:3 “They will be called oaks of righteousness planted by the Lord to show his glory”. She is helping her family care for her quadriplegic brother, visiting him in the nursing home every third night; working her job and planning a benefit to raise money for his care so that he can be brought home. The only way her brother can communicate is if someone can read his lips. Stacy prayed that someone would be able to understand him and the gift of understanding was given to her. She reads his lips, she “translates” for the nurses and staff and her family so that Tim can express himself. Stacy reads her Bible and devotionals every day to keep her spirits up and now her mother is praying too. Stacy says, “SITG believed in me when I couldn’t believe in myself, they stuck with me when I wanted to give up. If people would just go through the entire SITG program for a year they would be so blessed. It’s because of SITG that I am who I am today and can say, I’m good. God’s got my back.”
Turning from a life of drug addiction and becoming a responsible parent while dealing with heart-lung failure is not easy. . . but Tara's got a spiritual family to love her and to pray her through the hard times.
As a young woman, Tara made some bad choices and wound up addicted to meth, an amazingly destructive drug that badly damaged her heart and lungs. Last year, doctors gave her only a 10% chance of leaving the hospital alive. e drug also destroyed her parenting abilities and she lost custody of her children when she went to prison on drug charges. Her life was one big uphill battle.
But Tara's SITG spiritual family has surrounded her with love and prayer. During the last few months, she regained custody of her children and has become an exemplary mother. She has also strengthened her relationship with her own mother. She is active in her church and in Celebrate Recovery. Her medical condition is stable, but she needs a heart-lung transplant. While her life is still uphill, Tara is full of optimism. She says she will, "never go back to the old ways." She thanks her amazing church, her friends and her Stand in the Gap Spiritual Family for the prayers and support which are pulling her through these tough times. God has worked a miracle in her life and she knows her life is in His hands.
Katya and her twin, age 9 months were adopted from overseas by a young couple who were unable to have children. The twins were 3 years old when the fighting, drinking, infidelity and abuse started. There were times when she was locked out of the house while her twin was alone with a man her mom met at the grocery store. Katya knows the man did something to her twin but she never talked about it. The twins were separated when they went to emergency placement for foster care at age 9. The story just gets worse but it is fairly unremarkable as far as foster care stories go.
Now Katya is aging out of the foster care system. Katya’s anger runs deep and the outlook for these kids is not good:
- More than 500,000 children are in foster care across the country
- More than 20,000 leave the system each year, whether or not they are
ready because they turn 18 - Two-thirds do not maintain employment for a year
- Fewer than half have graduated from high school
- Fewer than one is 8 has graduated from college
- Fewer than one in 5 are self-supporting
- Twenty five percent of the males have been in jail
- Unplanned pregnancies and homelessness are prevalent.
What chance does Katya have of becoming a happy, well adjusted young woman when she has been one of the throw away children wounded by relationships; growing up unable to trust, unable to connect and angry?
Perhaps her SITG family trained in healthy helping, problem solving and prayer can remediate some of the damage over time. Perhaps unconditional love, acceptance, accountability and encouragement will make a difference in this young woman’s life. Perhaps a SITG family who is there for her, makes time for her, and listens to her week after week can bring the consistency to her life that she can depend on to build trust where trust has been broken. Perhaps un-hurtful relationships in a safe community of loving volunteers from the Body of Christ; a SITG family can keep Katya from becoming one of the throw away adults in the criminal justice system.
What are the odds that over a 5 year period that Danielle and Barbara would meet? Danielle incarcerated at EWCC, population 786 women, was one of 30 enrolled in CareerTech. Barbara, formally incarcerated at EWCC, out 8 years, begins teaching Women in Transition in that very class? What are the odds that Danielle’s mom in Arkansas would be a close friend of Dan and Janice who attend the same church that Barbara attends? What are the odds that a trained spiritual family would be waiting for a WIT neighbor and when Barbara and Danielle connected began praying for Danielle prior to her release? A strong mentoring relationship formed between the two women over a period of 4 months. Danielle had to make a decision about where she would live after release. The options were Arkansas where she would possibly be at risk or living in a barn apartment on Dan and Janice’s property. Barbara was taking the message to Danielle about the opportunity to live with Dan and Janice on the day she had to make the decision. As Barbara prepared to go to the prison she fell in the hall at the office. Even though Barbara was hurting she was determined to see Danielle that day and drove on to teach her class. After class Danielle came up to Barbara and said her heart was leading her to go to Tulsa and Barbara was able to tell her she had a place to live.
What are the odds? Coincidence? Serendipity? Rather doubtful since there was a 5 year “plan.” Amazing isn’t it the threads in the tapestry that God weaves when you take the time to look at it.
Danielle is celebrating 1 year out now and is very successful in her work, church and SITG spiritual family. What a blessing she is to all of us.
“I would like my family back if it’s not too late.”
Learning to be close to people is always hard when in the past people equaled pain. Jennifer had many struggles in her life and had been involved in destructive relationships. She came to Stand in the Gap as a neighbor to experience a spiritual family where healthy relationships would be built in the safety of a Christian community. She freaked out when it began to sink in how many people cared about her and her daughter. She was so used to being miserable, sad, and depressed that she got scared and ran away from the people who loved her. A period of time passed and Jennifer realized that her spiritual family was one of the best things that had ever happened to her. She reached out to them and apologized from the bottom of her heart, realizing that she had shut them out and run.
The plea, “I would like my family back if it’s not too late,” is a heartfelt cry. At SITG we don’t give up on people, they may give up on themselves and run, but we will be there when they are ready to come back. Time and prayer will bring people around. It is the love of God expressed through the people of God that transforms lives.
Doris
Doris is a 55 year old woman just recently released from prison. 
While she was incarcerated she attended the Women in Transition course led by Barbara Saunders from SITG. She chose to live in Tulsa rather than to return to her home town with all its temptations and traps. Doris lives in a transitional living home and is working as an independent contractor doing lawn services and landscaping. Barbara is mentoring her individually while a spiritual family is forming for her at a local church. Doris is active in Celebrate Recovery and has been baptized and attends SHBC. During some time spent with Barbara for mentoring Doris looked up tearfully and said, “Barbara no one ever took this much interest in me in my life.” That’s what we do at Women in Transition and SITG; we form relationships that are safe, that people can depend on, where they can learn to trust again. Through these relationships, with the grace of God, people are healed.
Ken came to Stand in the Gap, bruised and still bleeding emotionally and spiritually by the betrayal of his brother sleeping with his wife. That one betrayal cost him the woman he expected to spend the rest of his life with as well as his “birth” family. Hurt, confused, and struggling for answers, Ken confided, 'I just want to be happy again. I want to be able to trust people again.' Through the loving support of his Stand in the Gap spiritual family, Ken began to forgive those who had betrayed him.
After several months of meetings, spiritual family members noticed a significant change in Ken's demeanor. He began to make plans for the future. He was happy, and learning to trust people. Said Ken, 'I think I have the best group on earth! I am truly blessed."
The fact that Ken was eventually able to get a better job and move to Fargo, ND to begin a new life is testimony to the grace of God. It is in relationships that we are wounded. It is in relationships in a safe, healthy community that we are healed.
"I don't know how to be alone."
"I never thought I could feel so alone."
"So what do I do with the rest of my life?"
"I just didn't tell him often enough how precious he was to me."
“I don’t know how to be alone,” echoes through the minds ofnearly 700,000 American women each year when they lose their husbands. Then, “So, what do I do with the rest of my life?’ is a frequently heard comment of recent widows and they will be widows for an average of 14 years. They will need someone to talk to, someone who will hear them, someone who will be with them in their grief. Often family is unavailable or has to come from long distances so these women will request to be surrounded by intentional “spiritual families” to assist them through this period of their lives. Stand in the Gap for Widows equips churches to establish and maintain these spiritual families.
Emily
Emily came to SITG when her life was out of control financially, emotionally, and relationally. Most of her life she had focused primarily on others but her heart’s desire was to find the man of her dreams and be married. Her ‘spiritual family’ walked with her for two years as she learned to budget and manage her money as well as her life. After she graduated from Stand in the Gap, Kevin (a friend from her past) contacted her. A romance blossomed and within 5 months they were married. Her Stand in the Gap Family shared in her joy and danced at her wedding! Three months later Kevin died suddenly. Emily’s SITG Family surrounded her at the funeral and said, “We would like to walk alongside you during this difficult time.” The ‘family’ resumed meeting for another year. They held Emily’s hand, cried with her, called insurance companies and attorneys and generally supported her through the aftermath of the death of a spouse. After all, loving relationships created in an intentional community never really end.
John 16:22 Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice and no one will take away your joy.
Lesa came to SITG having lost her career due to numerous health problems she had encountered the previous year. When a new illness landed her in the hospital yet again, Lesa's spiritual family (which had begun meeting only a few weeks prior) began to go in pairs making regular visits to her, offering prayer, encouragement, and loving support as she fought through her illness. The spiritual family being there for her was a precious gift of time. The church’s pastor said, “a pastoral staff never could have provided that kind of presence.
Three years ago Sally was afraid to leave her house. She was imprisoned with inertia, depression and fear. She was referred to SITG™ for a spiritual family and was very skeptical that anything would change in her life. This spiritual family still meets; perhaps only once a month but the brother and sister relationships that have formed will not be let go. This group of individuals has truly become a chosen family for Sally; some of the members even travel and vacation together.
When the crippling ice storm hit Tulsa in December almost everyone lost power for some or part of the time. After spending several days in the cold and the dark in her home Sally booked a flight to the west coast and went to spend time out there with relatives although she had just returned from there for the Thanksgiving holiday.
Where once she was imprisoned in her home she is now free; free to travel when she chooses to and free to travel when it will be best for her. SITG™ families grow together and sometimes “go together.”
After moving home to Pennsylvania, Stacy was offered a job at the very first place she applied. Once working, she saved enough to buy a low mileage car, which had been owned by a “Little Old Lady”, (no kidding, really!) at an extremely low price. After working there for several months, she found a better job at Organ Supply Industries. When she told her employer she was leaving, they offered her more money to stay, but they couldn’t match the benefits. She’s been at her new job about a month and a half.
She recently moved out of her mother’s house and is renting a house with a long time friend, who is also her son’s godmother. Stacy works with a friend who is in recovery and shared the fact that she is a “graduate” of SITG and Celebrate Recovery. She has started back to church, looking for the one where God wants her to be.
Thankful for what God has done for her through her church, spiritual family, SITG, Celebrate Recovery, and friends, she sends this prayer:
My church family, the Body of Christ
Is growing like raindrops from Heaven.
My blessings are many and God is all around me.
I feel a circle of Angels guiding and protecting me.
Making choices clear to me.
Thank you Father for first loving me.Amen
‘When I left prison on June 8th of 2000 I left committed to a complete transformation of my life.
I had no family to go to. I had nowhere to live, no car, no driver’s license, no clothes, no household goods, nothing. What I did have was my faith in God.
Stand in the Gap surrounded me with love, acceptance and allowed me to learn about “normal” -- through relationships with wonderful Christian people.’
“God has a special way of filling those empty spaces in our lives. I was born in a single parent home and I always wondered why my daddy wouldn’t come home to me. I also wondered why my mother didn’t show as much love for me as I deserved. 20 years of pain, voids and wants that weren’t being filled.
So I prayed for those special needs. Three months later God started to fill those gaps with people who genuinely wanted to pray and love me. God made a way for people to Stand in the Gap™. I thank God for Stand in the Gap™ “
After the car accident that put her in a wheelchair 7 years ago everything changed for Jodie. She had always been active and had worked two jobs.
Being a single Mom can be a burden, especially when you are carrying the load alone. But having a “faith aunt, a faith uncle, and a faith cousin or two will divide the burden, will let you know you don’t have to do it alone. We have family – the family of God.
Who is my mother, who is my brother; those who do the will of my Heavenly Father. Those who practice what the Son taught. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
When she came to Stand in the Gap she had cut all ties with her former life. She was spending too much time alone at home, bored and lonely. Through her relationships with her Stand in the Gap Spiritual Family her life was rebuilt from the ground up. She now has four sisters and a brother – members of her ‘spiritual family -- to assuage the loneliness.
A few years ago Ted was living with his pastor. He had moved to Tulsa from Texas looking for a better life. “I started out with nothing, now I have a mini business, a house, a pickup and custody of my two daughters. It was an awesome thing. Stand in the Gap has been a blessing to me and my daughters and I thank God for leading me to them.”
Severely abused as a child, Al found God on the other side of the wall when he was surrounded by death
and darkness. His healing came through a church, a team and a commitment to transformation through community. “About three months after I started being a neighbor at Stand in the Gap, I stopped being afraid. I was going to church 4-5 times a week and AA a couple of times a week. I took classes at church that helped me learn how life should be lived."
Al now owns a successful car-detailing business. The Stand in the Gap team that surrounded and loved him also experienced God’s transformation.
